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Nov 28, 2022

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Can You Fall In Love With The Person You’re Becoming?


What if you could fall in love with the person you’re becoming?


Before you become that person.


What if you can look at where you’re at and the reasons you’d like to create change with compassion and absolutely love the person you’re on your way to being, before you’re there?


How could that change things for you?


What does that person look like?


What does that person feel like?


We have to remember that all these behaviours and foibles that we have, and beat ourselves up for having, served us at one point in our lives.


The feelings we’ve been taught to push down and deny serve a purpose. They are there to be felt.  Fully. 


We’re not taught this as children.


A lot of it comes from our experiences as children.


Like I always say when we’re delving into our protection mechanisms and the ways that we self sabotage and why, it’s not about blaming or shaming the people in our lives who didn’t know better at the time but it’s understanding it’s impossible to meet another human’s needs 100% of the time.


When those needs are met as infants we internalise that. It’s not ‘I'm a good person in a situation where my needs aren’t met’. It becomes ‘my needs are not being met because I'm bad’. 


This is the basis of a lot of shame and ‘i’m not good enough’ feelings.


It’s not our fault.


It’s not true.


It’s often not our primary caregivers fault either which is worth noting.


People are often searching for the ‘perfect’ way to be. How to be the perfect partner, parent, friend.


The reality is it is impossible.


It doesn’t exist. 


No one is immune to this process of being human.


For me life is about incremental improvements and being ok learning the lessons.


I’m always loving on the person I'm becoming.  


Having self compassion when I get it wrong and learning the lessons.


The beauty of allowing yourself to be human and have the entire human experience. 


So let’s get to know this person you’re becoming now shall we?


Best get comfy and grab your journal for this one! If you’re out and about let it percolate in your noggin and come back to it.


Remember when we’re doing this it’s from the perspective of seeing ourselves AS that person. Not beating ourselves up for not being there yet! Spoiler alert, you’ll never be THERE. That’s half the point. 


Life is about growth and evolution. You could do this exercise today and have a totally different experience and vision in a year. 


So much of what I do is about inspiring kindness towards yourself.


I beat myself up, berated myself and hated myself to various degrees for the majority of my life.


When I realised that was simply a behaviour that I'd learned and not who I am, and that it’s all infinitely changeable, it was one of the most freeing experiences of my life and led me exactly here!


So, ready to dive in?  Awesome!


How do they handle setting and honouring boundaries with other people?


How do they handle setting and honrouring boundaries with themselves?


How do they think, feel and behave when they get something wrong or something doesn’t go the way they wanted it to?


How does this person show that they know their worth even when they aren’t feeling their best?


How does this person show up in their friendships?


How does this person show up in their relationships?


How does this person show up in their work?


How does this person behave when the proverbial hits the fan?


How does this person show up when they’re annoyed or angry?


How does this person treat themselves physically? (Think diet, exercise, self care)


How does this person treat themselves emotionally? (Think self talk and looking after their mind)


What is the difference in thoughts for this person?


How do they carry themselves?


What’s their posture like?


How do they dress?


And most importantly how does all of this feel?


It’s all within reach, and nowhere near as far away as you think it is. Come back to this episode as many times as you like. Visualisation is incredibly powerful and you’ll be training your reticular activation system to start filtering out all the opportunities for you to get what you want AND showing your brain what’s possible and already available to you.


Ooof it’s powerful and oh so bloomin simple!


So, I hope you got some insights through this exercise that shows you what’s possible.


The difference in Fran 2.0 vs Fran most of her life and at her worst in 2014 is immeasurable. Incomparable. Unrecognisable. 


But no one can do the work for you I'm afraid.


The more you understand yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, your behaviours and motivations the more compassion you have for yourself and the quicker you move towards being the person you want to be.


I’m not for a second saying there’s anything wrong or that requires fixing with who you are right now. But as you’re here I have a sneaking suspicion there is some self judgement going on and some changes you’d love to make.


You are always good enough, you are always worthy. There’s just some layers of experiences, traumas and societal stuff that once it shifts, will help you feel infinitely lighter.


The more you understand, strip back and rewire your unconscious programming on a nervous system level, the easier life gets.


If you’d like my help with that you can of course book an Enneagram Essentials call to get you really moving on the self awareness piece and understanding how to move towards who you always were and who you were always meant to be before life got in the way.