Mar 4, 2019
Don’t Fear the haters
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Don’t Fear the haters
Do you not put certain things out because of fear of what ‘haters’ or ‘trolls’ might say?
Do you worry about people criticizing what you have to say or being downright mean?
Is it about what you’re saying? Your services or products themselves? How you look? How you sound? All of the above?
Yikes!!
It’s really scary putting your work, or yourself out there for all the world to see and judge.
It was one of the biggest mindset gremlins that made me subconsciously look for all the excuses under the sun to quit on my jewellery business 5 years ago.
What if they don’t like me?
What if they think I’m not pretty enough, thin enough or clever enough...and actually SAY so!?! PUBLICLY!!
I get it, totally! I feel you!
BUT how far do you think it’s going to get you?
The sad reality is it’s probably going to happen at some point.
The digital space has made it all too easy for keyboard warriors to sit behind their screen in their pants anonymously and revel in trying to take other people down.
A fear of judgement, criticism or a fear of being wrong are 2 of the biggest reasons people don’t do the things that will make them visible.
I would have DEFINITELY been one of those people. I spent my entire life caring too much about what other people think of me.
I honestly get it.
However, now is a different story.
I think about those people and those comments VERY differently and I hope this can help you do the same.
There are a couple of reasons why.
Firstly. As I talked about in my previous episode (42) on perfectionism it’s IMPOSSIBLE for 100% of people to agree with you 100% of the time.
It just doesn’t happen, so there WILL be people who don’t like what you have to say. But they are NOT your people!
And that’s absolutely fine.
They’ll go off and follow someone who echoes what they DO want to hear.
No problemmo right?
They were never going to buy from you or help spread your message anyway.
But the biggie that I really want you to understand and remember is this.
Hurt people, hurt people.
Let it sink in.
I’ve said this before too.
People who are happy with their lives and themselves do NOT sit on the other side of a computer or a phone waiting to, or revelling in, writing intentionally hurtful comments on people’s Facebook posts, or Youtube videos or Instagram posts. Whatever medium you’re on.
They just don’t.
So the way I choose to look at it is through eyes of sympathy.
Eyes of empathy.
I call it empathy over anger.
Those situations where your natural instinct would be to be angry or hurt but instead you remind yourself of this and empathise, even feel sorry for that person.
What must be going on for them in their lives that they feel the need to behave in that way?
That they even have that aspect as a part of their personality!
I mean...do any of your friends behave in that way?
If they do I would have a little look at who you’re spending your time with but NO!
Constructive criticism is another matter and if that’s something you think about then it might be worth asking yourself why.
Do you feel like an impostor (episode 17)? Do you not back your opinions and are scared of being ‘wrong’? Do you fear people Judging you?
The thing with judgement (episode 28) is you only ever judge people on things you judge yourself for.
Ask yourself the question and have a bit of a journal and see what comes up.
At the end of the day constructive criticism is just that, it’s CONSTRUCTIVE, it’s useful and something you can learn and grow from.
Nasty comments purely for the sake of it is very different so it’s important to understand the difference and which is the one really holding you back.
Taking all of this into account, does that person’s opinion really matter?
Does it actually count for anything?
It’s FAR more about them than it is about you so you can choose to delete, block and move on if you like it’s totally up to you.
Or you can respond with love, ‘Thanks for your opinion I really appreciate you taking the time to read my content, sending you love!’
Or you can go back with a pithy one liner if you like.
Either way, they’re not getting what they want...so they’ll move on!
It’s down to you to read the situation and do what’s best to help you move on and not be affected by it.
You can also thank them for boosting the algorithms for you ha!
Don’t give them what they want.
Laugh it off.
I don’t think there’s ever been an example where someone successful DIDN’T have negative comments at some point so use it to fuel you.
The bigger your audience is the more you’ll potentially get.
People talk about polarisation in business and with that you will have one camp who agree and love what you have to say and one camp who don’t!!
As humans we are wired to focus on the negative.
So that one negative comment can throw off multiple great ones.
I keep a little ‘love’ folder in my phone where I screenshot lovely things that people say.
In those moments where you feel something or someone negative weighing you down you can look through and remind yourself that negative comment really doesn’t matter.
It’s tomorrow’s chip paper! (For any of my non-UK based audience we used to wrap our fish and chips in newspaper. So this means it may be todays news but it’s tomorrow's chip paper and it won’t be bothering you or them anymore so why let it bother you now! One of many of my favourite phrases ha!)
You actually WANT to repel the people that don’t agree, that don’t ‘get’ you. When you have that as your goal you’re not going to worry about the people that DON’T like you anywhere NEAR as much as you do right now.
It’s a WIN if they go away and don’t like what you have to say...because they’re not your ideal client anyway!
When you can think differently about the haters (that let’s be honest, don’t even exist yet! Head over here if you’re overthinking THAT one! - episode 12) you will feel so much more empowered and confident to put yourself out there.
To launch the thing you’ve been thinking about and wanting for aaaages but putting off.
That course, that Youtube channel, that book, that Podcast, whatever you have a calling to create but you’ve been having your foot on the gas and the break at the same time for fear of what people might say.
Don’t fear the haters...love on them! It shows you’re probably doing it right ;-)
If you know that now is the time to step up and start rewiring your thinking and changing things for yourself then please book in a free discovery call so we can work out what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the action taking success you know you can be!!
Fx