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Jan 28, 2019

Why you need to stop the blame game

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Why you need to stop the blame game


Are you playing the blame game?  Who or what are you blaming for your circumstances?  Or for you feeling a certain way?


When we blame things outside of ourselves, that’s exactly where the responsibility stays.  


Outside yourself.  


You take away your own control over the situation.  You’re directly avoiding responsibility and the very thing that could potentially be what needs to be looked at in order to change it for you.  


I mean it’s much easier to do isn’t it! When it’s someone, or something else’s fault then you don’t need to look at yourself do you?


That client, that course you didn’t get the results from, your spouse, the kids, the dog, the algorithms, the government?!


It’s really not going to be able to help you move forward and is much more likely to keep you stuck exactly where you are and feeling pretty negative.


Don’t get me wrong, there are times the blame game can be helpful, it can be a great defence mechanism. However, what we’re talking about here is identifying the times when it’s really not helpful.


The blame game can feel comforting sure, but it’s not in any way empowering.


It doesn’t help you get out of the situation and out of your comfort zones and it can cause you to make excuses. It can keep you stuck in ‘victim’ mode with nothing changing any time soon.


Blaming can also stop you learning the lesson because you’re not looking at any other angle than the blame itself.


I’ve definitely struggled with this and it’s something I had to learn for myself but it really doesn’t help anyone, least of all yourself to hold onto blame.  


To not forgive wrong doings and let them shape the way you do things going forward.


Just because something happened in the past does NOT mean it’s the way it still is or how it would be in the future.  


Can you look at the situation and see your part in it?  Even if it’s only 10% can you see the part you played or can play in it?


We cling onto things, blame and don’t forgive because we think that in some way it punishes the other person, but the reality is it’s only hurting yourself.


So many people have used various guises of this quote now I have NO idea who said it first but the message really does stay the same.  Not forgiving someone or something is like taking rat poison and expecting the rat to die.


This hit home for me at a time when I was clinging on to SO much anger, blame and pain for the situation I was in and it just made so much sense.  The other person had no idea I was waking up seething every day. That I was letting it shape decisions I made and beliefs I had around my business.  They were getting up, having a lovely time and not giving me a second who is the winner and who is the loser in that?!


When you can forgive, and accept the part that you played or play in anything you can stop the blame game, move on and create the best business, and the best life you can possibly have.  


If you started your business because you were fired or made redundant, can you let go of your feelings of resentment or blame towards your old boss or company and look at all the ways that was a good thing?  


If you’ve trusted someone with your money, your business or made an investment in yourself that didn’t go so well, can you forgive those people you’re holding responsible?  


Can you forgive YOURSELF and find the important lessons that you learned that will actually serve you really well in the future?


Can you own your part in it?  Even if it’s just a small one?


OK so you spent a huge amount on that course (thanks shiny object syndrome!), didn’t finish it, so didn’t get the results you wanted.  Can you accept some of the responsibility is on you? What can you do about it? Go back and finish it? Or accept it and move on without the bad feelings?


The important thing here is to understand that blaming and not letting go of these things can and will affect how you deal with things in your business, and of course your life too.


What you focus on grows so if you’re focusing on what went wrong, you can’t see any of the helpful parts of the situation.  


You will also see more reasons to believe the same thing will happen again and more reasons why you aren’t the one that’s in control of your outcome...when you are!


Like i’m always saying, you get to make a choice.  It’s up to you.


When you’re playing the blame game you’re not allowing yourself to analyse the ‘what happened’ and how to avoid it in the future when you’re just focusing on who’s fault it is.  


You also will take action based on what you think and therefore believe about that situation, so if it’s negative and you believe it’s ‘the way it is’ or that it will happen again then that means you are unlikely to take action at all...and where does that get you?!


What you’re also likely to be doing is not trying to change anything about the situation because why would you when you’re putting the control somewhere else outside of you.


If it’s a person that you’re blaming can you walk a mile in their shoes?  Can you see what their higher positive intention MIGHT have been? (Yep, there is always one, even if it doesn’t look like it!)


Can you find a way to empathise rather than feel anger?


If it’s a something rather than a someone then don’t forget my favourite it REALLY true?


It feels uncomfortable when you first do, it but it gets easier and you’re training yourself to think in a different way which will be much more helpful to you in the long run.


When you can hold yourself accountable.  Accept some of the responsibility and allow yourself to be vulnerable then that’s where the magic happens.


If you know that now is the time to start changing things for yourself and want to explore this further, have any questions or want some accountability to make sure you’re doing the things you need to then please book in a free discovery call so we can see what needs to happen to get you from where you’re at right now, to the successful business owner you know you can be!!