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Nov 29, 2021

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How to not fear saying ‘not yet’


The fear of saying no or ‘not yet’ to something in case it’s the wrong thing to do or you might miss out is a big one right? 


I’m talking about this in a few contexts today for a couple of reasons.


Having just finished up an amazing launch for the very first round of The Mentorship I was thinking about this from two sides of the coin.


So we’re going to talk about those two sides. 


The fear of saying no to an ‘opportunity’. 


And the fear of saying no to a potential client.


When we’re talking about saying no to an opportunity that might mean several things.  


That might mean saying no to doing a course, a programme or a mentor.


It may mean saying no to a speaking gig.


It could mean many things.


But when people are launching something we want we might get that oh so familiar activation in our bodies. 


That tension.  


That horrible feeling of ‘Oooooh I want this, but it’s not the right time’.


Remember most marketing is meant to make you feel like it’s the last time you will ever get that deal and you could be making a huge mistake unless you buy NOW!


That’s fine when it’s actually truthful.  


If it’s not, all it serves to do is play at your fear of missing out.  


Your fear of being left behind.  


Your fear of missing out on that one piece of information that could change everything for you.  


Missing something that could be perfect for you….without giving you any context of if it’s right for you right now based on your unique situation!


It might be right for you, it might be absolutely the perfect thing for you.  But are you going to get the most out of it if you do it right now?


Where are you at in your life? With your health? In your business?


There’s a lot to be said for now or never of course.  If not now, when? 


That’s working with a different set of fears than what we’re talking about and that’s where good old self awareness comes in again.  


The more you know yourself and your unconscious programming, the more you will be able to see the truth for yourself.


To be fair...I’m also a big fan of getting a bargain if it has lifetime access even if I know I can’t do it right at that time.  Cool.  BUT...I know I'm disciplined enough to make sure I do go back to it and it sits on my scary brain dump to do list until I can see it become a priority.


All good.


What I'm talking about here is feeling GOOD making a decision that a programme, a course, a mentor might be a yes for you...but not right now!


This is of course easier to do when you have someone on a zoom or a call helping you figure out if it’s the right thing for you based on the information you give them.


Who could you use as a sounding board if you don’t have that?  


Who could that person be for you to help you untangle the conscious thought process with the unconscious programming that might be screaming at you?


It’s ok to say no, no matter how many times you’re marketed to to make you feel otherwise. 


You don’t ever have to feel shame, guilt or anything else for something being a no for you right now.  If it’s right, it’ll happen.


We spoke to lots of people who will be perfect for The Mentorship, but not right now.  They might have too much on their plate, they might need to get something else in place before they can make the most of it, for lots of reasons.


But it felt good helping them make that decision.  Some even paid deposits for the next round!  So there was no feeling bad either way about it being a no for right now.


We know they’ll be back when they’re ready but we also know they aren’t sitting at the other side clicking the sales page a million times, umming and ahhing over whether to do it.  That’s a horrible feeling.


Back at the start of my business I was there MANY times.  


I’m actually grateful now for every time I made a wrong investment (of which there were many!), or bought something before I was ready because it helped shape my values when it comes to selling my own services.  It helped me spot it in other people too and help me know when it’s not the right time.


We have to not be afraid to potentially miss out on an opportunity sometimes. 


Listen to the story that’s underneath you not wanting to say no.  


Or not feeling comfortable saying no.  Dig into that a little.  


The more you do this the less of that tension you’ll feel when you have to make a decision.  You’ll know if it’s a yes or a no in your body.  You’ll feel it.


But here’s the thing. 


Once you DO make the decision, the tension lifts.  


We might feel like if we say no we will ALWAYS be sitting in that tension and that feels unbearable.  We also think, if we don’t buy the thing we want that can help us move towards or away from something...then we’ll never have what we want.


But you can always ask the questions, ‘when will you be running this again?’ 


Same thing about opportunities that come your way.  


It could be an amazing speaking gig but fall at exactly the wrong time for you.  You may have a bazillion other things going on and saying yes to the opportunity might affect how you show up for the things you already committed to.


So much of this is just learning the ability to check in with yourself and what you know is right.  


The second side of the coin I want to talk about is not being afraid to say no to a potential client.


This is SUCH an important one.  I see so much fear around not taking on a potential client, or even letting an existing one go.


And again, it might be a ‘not yet’ rather than a hard no but you need to meet your people where they’re at.


Be honest and upfront if YOU don’t think it might be the right time for them and have an honest discussion.  Make sure you’re both on the same page and everything is out on the table.


This is why it’s important to not get hung up on metrics, or chasing other people’s goals as much as you can because when you do you’ll make decisions that might not be right for you OR the client.


Why is that an issue?


If you have a client in your programme that’s not ready yet for whatever reason...they aren’t going to get the results or have the experience you could have given them if they were. 


Simple as that.


It will feel like you’ll be dragging them through it.


The reality is not everyone is ready or able to do the work required at the time you launch your stuff!


That’s ok.


If you’re running a group programme and you let that person who should be a ‘not yet’ in it will affect the dynamic of the group.


It’s not a reflection on you or your service.


It’s like relationships right?  Better to not be in one than be in the wrong one!  


So if you haven’t listened to the recent episode on spidey senses, have a listen because they won’t steer you wrong.  You know in your gut when something is right or not, so listen to it.


And just remember...It’s ok to say no.